The little bird in my garden keeps falling off the fence with excitement. 'What is it Joe?' I ask him inquisitively. 'I have some fab news' he chirps. Joe continues and tells me that Bobby Revellain has just given birth to himself. Joe decides I should go and investigate. I agree.
As soon as I arrive in New York, I'm on the phone making enquires. I ring Bobby's agent, his doctor, his bank manager, I even ring Oprah Winfrey. They all tell me the same line. 'Bob is out of town.' Then a genius plan slips into my mind. I will hire a detective.
Meet Sidney Rocco Rix. A handsome thirty-five year old, half yank, half Spanish. Cool enough to take as a lover and I do... But weeks pass, no sign of Bobby and my cash is running out. I fire Mr. Rix. I will set off to California. I'm heading to the home of Jeremy C Shipp. When I arrive he is in his garden writing. As soon as he sees me, he greets me with a warm smile. I'm feeling slightly embarrassed. There is a gnome performing a jig on his head. Jeremy seems oblivious to this fact. I look to the ground and shyly ask 'Have you seen Bobby Revellain?' He replies 'Have you lost him?' 'Yes' I answer. Jeremy says 'No. I haven't seen him for a while.'
I need a new plan.
I'm at the airport. Suddenly, a woman walks by pushing a pram. 'It's him, it's him.' I yell, jumping up and down as if I were attached to springs. 'Stop' I order the woman. She hurries by. I grab her arm but with so much force, I puncture her arm. The sight of blood makes her scream! Two cops materialize.
I am in a room with no windows, just a table and two chairs. I don't know the man sitting opposite me but I tell him everything. He escorts me to another room. This room is filled with hundreds of babies and they all have Bobby Revellian's face! The babies fix their eyes on me. Then these creatures start bawling and whaling. I reach for the door. It is locked. 'Shut up' 'Shut up' I shout. I cover my ears. I close my eyes.
Next thing I know I am falling down a wishing well. I make a wish...
I hear the words, lights, camera, action. I am on the Oprah winfrey show. She turns to me, smiles and says 'So Bobby, will you tell us about your new book.'